Yosemite

. . . .wow.
Second time I've been there, absolutely breathtaking.
And aparently stimulating for romance!

I'm not sure, should walking with his arm around me under the stars surrounded by flowers and holding hands in a dark, scary (not really) cave count as romantic?

Among other things. Many other things :)

Playing therapist

So lately Rice has been emailing me, a lot. Like, confiding in me about his problems. He's such an amazing person. No like, honestly, he's the most selfless person on the face of this planet. He's the 13-year-old white ghandi. And I don't say that lightly. He's thanked me for the advice, and said he's never told anyone this stuff before (the stuff that I've been advising him about.). All spring break I've been happy, 100% bliss no emo-ness. Usually talking to Rice makes me happy, like I'm the luckiest girl in the world, and special enough to get him to pay attention to me. But after talking with him like this, for the first time in awhile, I feel, not crappy, but just lame. I feel like a terrible person, like I shouldn't be allowed into his business, and I don't deserve to be telling him what to do. I don't know, but when I see he's replied back to be i have that aching, uh-oh feeling in the pit of my stoumach, and it's not excited anticipation, like it usually is, but more dread. I don't know why, because he's not saying anything bad. I hope this is, if anything, strengthening our relationship, but I don't know. I think I heard somewhere that playing therapist is actually bad to romance. But I don't deserve it. I can't feel like he deserves better, because I'm too selfish to wish he'd find someone else. I'm too jealous, and I don't want to loose him. But here I am leaving. I'm not going to see him for a very, very long time. Oh well, god this has turned into a rant. I just need to get my feelings out. But for the first time, I'm not mad at myself for feeling this way. Because I don't believe I have any warrant to feel happy about this. Having Rice confide in me like this, and me giving advice that there's no way i deserve to be giving, I'm this filthy, disgusting person, telling ghandi what to do. I don't think I should have a smile on my face when I see he's replied. I don't know what to do. But I can't wait to see him on monday. I really can't wait to actually talk to him.

Also, Aladdin makes me cry.
And what happens in Yosemite stays in Yosemite. Or online.

Springggg breaakkkkkk

Random title. So yes, I'm in Idaho now, and having a wonderful time!! Lol going to eat lunch with my cousin at her school tomorrow, should be interesting. No emails from Rice. I'm assuming he's doing something, because out of the two of us I'm the more likely one to be sitting around checking my email during spring break. Going to work out the gym later today, god I need ABS.

Peace and long life.

My day

I am proud of myself today!!!!! I only had one period of time where I fell into my emo-ness, and it was very short and very subdued!! more just bad mood-ish, not "I hate myself xP"

So today we all took a field trip to a college, and did a bunch of engineering experiments and crap like that. It was somewhat fun. Mainly just walking side-by-side with Rice everywhere :) Lol I sound cheesy. But hey, I'm trying to keep my good mood!!! Lol we had a conversation about his inability to hug in public places, and I thought I should give him some space (I've been worried I'm way too clingy for awhile now, one of the constant unhappies that plague me) so, I did something I usually never do, and walked away from him. Now, usually I think that I'm the one that always starts the conversations and goes up next to him, but I found it funny that no matter how many times I walked away from him he always seemed to end up beside me again xD Eurgh you don't want to read about this. But lol we played what we just call "centrifugal force" where we hold hands, face eachother, and spin around madly until one of us (me) falls down. In the middle of a college campus xD

Fun fun fun. I'm happy with how comfortable we are (on the ride back, by the time we reached the school we'd lean against eachother at every turn and stay comfortably squished, even though there was plenty of room) because I've been really worried about all the awkwardness.

Then I went home, had my depression moment, cleaned the bathroom, emptied the dishwasher, cleaned my cat's litter, packed (spring break), did other stuff, then finally finished and went online and found the stupid face-scanner thing xD So yeah, very good day.

I apologize for the gooey rant about Rice, I assure you it won't happen very often, and the. . .hm. -2 people that read this, can just skip over it. If I tell it to the internet it saves me from gushing all over other people.

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

I'M ASIAN!!!!

Well, atleast according to the face recognition software on http://celebrity.myheritage.com/FP/Company/try-face-recognition.php?collage=1

Basically you upload a photo, it scans it, and comes up with the celebrities you most look like. Pretty freakin hilarious. But I'm serious, I uploaded 3 different photos, and each one gave me about 8 results, and I swear EVER SINGLE ON OF THEM WAS ASIAN. lol I don't have anything against that; the people I'm a "match" with are super pretty! What do you think, do you see the resemblance?

Well. . .

And so I was bored. And feeling depressed. And kind of irritated at myself, because I had just been in a great mood, and had a fantastic day. I guess I had just had enough, (and I do like to write) so I created another blog. I have had blogs before, but they were all freakin retarded and didn't last for more than a week. So here I am now, and I am going to be candid. I wouldn't say I'm in that crappy of a mood right now; i guess making the blog helped pull me out.

This whole week has been pretty good for me. But wait, before I can go on, you must know about the guy. So I like him, and he likes me. (freakin duh, how many times have you heard that before, I bet?) He's not allowed to date, we're in 8th grade and I'm his first crush, is afraid of serious PDA, and I'm moving to Idaho at the end of this year. But everyone knows we like eachother, and so do we; we find it kind of ironic when people tease us about it considering we talk about in paragraphs on email every night.
So we're kind-of-almost-in-a-way-together-but-not-officially. I should be happy. I should be freakin GRATEFUL. But alas, I suck, and sometimes I'm miserable.

But dear allah (school joke) I got off track, you don't want to listen to me ranting on about this guy. But then again, you probably don't want to hear about my week, either. For now, we'll just call him Rice.

Okay, I got lazy. I don't want to tell you about my week. Sorry. My mind literally changed as I was writing this. Besides, then this post would be too long. Uuhhhhhgggggggg (sorry, I just have random outbursts like that from time to time. Ever feel like you just want to yell?)

But yeah, today was pretty awesome. The two girls in my grade were gone (one's in Dublin, irish dancer, and the other one. . .just went to narnia i guess) so I had the guys all to myself. Rice was super funny, and we played lots of games involving holding hands. Edward (codename, I'll you more about him later) was awfully nice to me today. . .weird. 0_o

Anyway, so yeah, I'm not all emo and depressed anymore, but I'm not happy either like I was earlier in the day, which is kinda pissing me off. But oh well, i feel better, and I hope something'll happen that'll bring my mood back

GOD I CONFUSE MYSELF WHY THE EFF AM I .. HEWPAUHSDENR8GCER0NHAAGRGRHRHRJEGAARGSHHRG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0_o. . .wow that rant was longer than I intended. No one's gonna bother to read this lol, I wouldn't xD Oh well, better go check my email. . .

*peace/live long and prosper*